FOUR Things to AVOID When Preparing for Birth
IT’S IMPORTANT to prepare for birth. You’ll hear this often. I say it all the time. It’s true.
But what is often NOT so obvious is how much birth preparation can actually terrify you if a class focuses too much on all the stuff that can go wrong. I’ve met you, and I KNOW that you already have an amazing imagination because in the past you’ve spooked yourself silly at 3am.
The mind is both complex and simple.
The more stuff you pour into it that triggers fear the more scared you will be. The more info you can absorb that is positive and kicks the fear-mongering to the kerb the better.
Evidence based and positive stuff is what you want to absorb - not pie in the sky stories. Birth prep isn’t just about hoping for the best.
The type of course you will benefit from depends on the type of birth you’d prefer.
If you are 100% set on a c-section and that’s been agreed by your care givers then you’re best suited to a course that focuses on c-sections including procedure and recovery, and understand that in some situations it’s still preferred that you go into labour spontaneously so it IS important that you know what that might feel like and how to cope with early labour.
But IF you are hoping for an undisturbed vaginal birth (no medical intervention preferred and happy to be with or without pain relief) then you’ll want to keep reading.
Here are three things to avoid when choosing a course:
1) Courses that focus mainly on pain relief.
They talk a lot about pain and that makes you obsess about pain. They cover ALL bases of what can go wrong and you’ll be petrified by some of the stories. I’ve had mums come to my antenatal classes in tears because some of the other classes they’d attended scared them so much.
Antenatal classes should neither scare not sugar coat. You’re not a giant baby. You’re a powerful woman.
Yes, you want to learn how to cope with pain but did you know that many birthing women don’t choose pain relief NOT to show off or make a point, but because they do NOT experience pain so they do not need it. If a course focusses mainly on pain relief it leads you to expect pain and so your mind starts to be on the lookout for any indication of it. And you will always get more of what you focus on.
Think of it like this - if you’ve ever had a vaccination the GP or nurse gets you to look away. Why? Because when you see the syringe come closer to you you tense up and EXPECT pain yet 9/10 when you look away you don’t even know it’s already happened.
2) Courses that focus heavily on medical intervention such as a c-section or induction.
Let’s be real, there are many times when a c-section or induction is very very welcome, necessary and the right choice on that day. We support those 100%. BUT, there are also many times when you are under pressure to consent to intervention because it keeps the hospital system flowing well. In other words, you are birthing your baby to suit the hospital’s timeframe and staffing levels, not that of your body or your baby. It’s shocking, and it happens.
3) Avoid courses that have only ONE type of birth as THE IDEAL way to birth.
You have not failed if you need induction or a c-section or a face full of drugs. Let me repeat that: you have NOT failed. It doesn’t make you a substandard mum or a coward (not my word I promise you!), or any less worthy of a mega rest and lots of TLC after birth. I had open heart surgery (defect) in 2017. I had a general anaesthetic. Did I fail? I don’t think so!!
4) Courses that are jam-packed with toxic positivity; a healthy baby is NOT all that matters.
You being traumatised or feeling out of control or disrespected with a healthy baby in your arms is NOT a good enough outcome.
Giving birth is intense, the most intense thing you’ll probably ever experience, and YOU MATTER. It takes time to process birth, particularly if the birth has been speedy.
Don’t ever let anyone belittle your feelings about birth. You matter. Your body matters. You deserve to make informed choices based on your evaluation of the risks and potential outcomes. Do not be talked into anything to suit a third party.
You want to learn in a balanced well-rounded way and that comes with covering the possibilities of birth and not fixating on only one type of birth to the exclusion of all others. You don’t want a rigid birth plan that makes you think you failed if you don’t follow it to the letter.
Know what you do want, get informed, weigh up all the options, imagine your birth often, and MOST of all see yourself as feeling calm and confident holding your newborn in your arms.
Your birth ed has served you brilliantly IF it:
Gives you insight into a range of birthing options
Supports you to tap into the natural abilities of your body & mind
Helps you find ways to make the right decisions for you
Doesn’t guilt trip you or try to sway you in one direction
Leaves you feeling prepared and empowered not petrified or confused!!
Encourages you to make your own choices, not simply hand over your power to consent to whatever is suggested
If you’d LOVE to stack the odds firmly in your favour of a calm and confident birth JOIN the free workshop on Thursday, July 1st. I’ll help you set up for a better birth whatever that needs to look like - no guilt tripping, no nonsense.
