Secret Diary of a Birth Coach
I p*** people off!
True story.
Dear diary,
Being a birth coach, prenatal yoga and hypnobirthing teacher isn’t all the flowers and helium balloons you might imagine.
I p*** people off by encouraging women to make choices based on what is right for them and their babies when it comes to giving birth. I never wake up with the intention of p****ing people off but it’s a natural by-product of my profession.
I help women prepare for the best birth possible, whether that needs to involve intervention or not.
While most people throw up the hearts and the likes and tell me how much better they feel about birth after they’ve spent time with me, there are a few lovelies out there who have never spoken directly to me but find me and my work truly objectionable 😂 🤷♀️
I’m not particularly outspoken, but turns out suggesting a woman can influence her birth is like throwing a grenade into the hands of a woman who’s already given birth and didn’t quite get the experience she wanted (even if that was 20+ years ago).
It can also really p*** off the medical peeps because I help women question what’s being recommended (so they understand and feel empowered), not even 0.01% of my motivation is to make the lives of the labour ward more challenging (or to annoy the heck out of the consultants), but it’s not unheard of for mums to come back and tell me their midwife made a scoffing sound when they mentioned hypnobirthing.
Thankfully, that’s a RARE occurrence with my clients and we’ve been very very fortunate to have (in the main) excellent experiences with midwives.
Some of my best chums are midwives. I’m constantly reminding new mums that midwives are people too and they come in as many different personality types and styles as non midwives!
It’s a bit like marmite. Some people love it. Some people hate it. I get on with both and you can too (incidentally no marmite for me).
I 100% believe women have the right to make a choice on how they birth their babies and that involves understanding what is being recommended and discussing it - like adults.
If a woman is out for lunch and asks the waiter about the ingredients of the special of the day she will receive an answer. If she asks her care provider what are the benefits of me having a c-section? What are the risks (to me AND my baby)? I think she deserves an answer, not to be told it’s the best thing to do.
Unless there is a medical emergency there is always time to discuss.
I believe that every woman can POSITIVELY INFLUENCE her labour and steer it in the direction of the birth that she feels is best for her and her baby.
Let me share that sentence again. If you read I believe that every woman can POSITIVELY INFLUENCE her labour and steer it in the direction of the birth that she feels is best for her and her baby, then that’s brilliant because that’s what I said.
Did you know that some people read that sentence as this: If you didn’t get the birth that you want you failed, it’s your fault and you should feel really guilty. How could you have been so stupid? And did I mention that you’re a terrible mother?
Birth can be triggering. Triggering to pregnant women. Triggering to new mums. Triggering to women who cannot conceive. Triggering to women who didn’t get the births that they wanted. Triggering to mums who lost babies. Triggering to the parent who is separated from their child for whatever reason. At times triggering to medical professionals involved in the world of birth. It’s triggering to mums who learnt some form of hypnobirthing and feel it didn’t work so well for them. At times it’s triggering to mums who had amazing births but know women who experienced traumatic births - they feel guilty that they ‘had it easy’
The feedback from my mums has always been that EVEN if they didn’t 100% their dream birth (and no-one can guarantee you that) the skills that they learnt supported them effectively during pregnancy and labour.
Having a c-section is never a fail.
Having an induction is never a fail.
Having an assisted birth with forceps or ventouse is not a fail.
Having a face full of pain relief is not a fail.
There is no fail.
Curveballs happen.
Learn the tools, the skills, the coping strategies, get informed, make good choices and as your labour unfolds continue to make good choices based on all of the above.
Birth is triggering because it’s POWERFUL and because we’ve been sold a lie over and over - that it’s good to birth lying on your back (LIE), that your birth plan will go out the window (LIE), that midwives and consultants always know best and you should just trust them (LIE: they have no idea what you are FEELING in your body right now).
Your role is to birth your baby in the best possible way, not to be a good, compliant little patient.
YOU are here RIGHT NOW reading this, and that means that YOU are awake to the FACT that YOU CAN INFLUENCE YOUR BIRTH.
There’s a free workshop next Thursday (July 1st). It’ll really p*** some people off, BUT NOT YOU because by the end of it you’ll know what you need to do to prepare for the best possible birth, and that means taking control of all the bits that you can (and by control I mean being fully informed and then relaxing). JOIN HERE.
Birth is powerful.
Birth is beautiful.
Birth is awe-inspiring.
And so are YOU.
See you Thursday.
Sophia xx
PS - Midwives I love you (esp Romilly, Kelly, Gina, Kate, Shelagh, Allison, Amanda, Claire, Natasha). And to all the people I p*** off daily by continuing to support pregnant women, I love you too 💕
PPS - sorry for swearing mum 🤣
