It's OK to NOT Love Being Pregnant!
IF YOU’RE SEEING lots of pregnant women around you making little heart ❤️ shapes over their bumps with their hands and it makes you want to puke, don’t worry!
And if you’re one of them I’m not having a poke - it’s super cute, but for a woman not enjoying her pregnancy it’s hard to stomach.
You might not have a pair of nordic socks handy to scrunch up over your slender, newly shaven legs whilst a dollop of cream mysteriously appears on the tip of your nose as you sip a hot chocolate in bed whimsically flicking through a magazine. Maybe you’ve got your head down the loo dry-retching for the third time.
Pregnancy has taken on a whole new level on social media and I feel your pleasure and pain; in part that’s to do with your rollercoaster-ing emotions. There’s now the added pressure of:
how to announce your pregnancy for maximum fanfare
whether or not to have a gender reveal party
when to announce the birth
Either way, being pregnant seems to have become a competitive sport and that can make it hard to just EXPERIENCE where you’re at without comparing.
If you aren’t enjoying being pregnant right now what story are you telling yourself? Usually it goes something like:
I’m not going to be a good mum if I don’t enjoy this pregnancy
I don’t deserve to be pregnant
If I’m not enjoying my pregnancy does that mean I don’t love my baby? What kind of mum does that make be?
There’s something wrong with me, everyone else seems to be loving their pregnancy
And you can understand why running that story in your head feels bad in many ways. From my years of teaching prenatal yoga and hypnobirthing NOT enjoying your pregnancy doesn’t actually mean much.
I’ve had clients arrive late to prenatal yoga, skip to the loo every time we came to a baby bonding meditation (and yes you need the loo more but not ALWAYS during that exact meditation!), and leave early to avoid the chit chat with the evidently glowing and deliriously happy mums (who, by the way, also have bleurgh moments that you don’t see!).
Here are a few reasons why you might not enjoy your pregnancy:
1) You expected to FEEL different and actually you don’t feel anything. Is there even a baby in there? It’s not uncommon to not feel anything towards your baby initially, as your baby grows and starts to move (their way of communicating) you will often begin to connect more
2) You feel guilty. Perhaps it took you a long time to conceive so you feel every minute should be euphoric. Or are your friends experiencing fertility issues and you feel guilty that you fell pregnant faster than a raindrop hits the ground? Don’t let anyone else dim your joy - yes be respectful and considerate but don’t pretend your baby isn’t in there or you aren’t enjoying pregnancy just to play it down. A good friend will support you even if he or she finds it challenging or at times needs to remove themselves. Don’t make their choices for them.
3) You feel unwell. Some women skip through pregnancy with ease and grace, and others break out in acne, puke a lot, have heartburn, backache, symphysis pubis, get piles, itchy nipples, discharge, gingivitis, bunged up, belch a lot, and generally just feel like crap - so it’s understandable if that’s you that you aren’t dancing about the kitchen stroking your bump for an IGTV.
4) You have a stressful pregnancy. This could be anything from worrying about whether your baby is completely healthy or carries a congenital defect to whether you and your partner can cope financially or manage the huge change that comes with a newborn (who lives with you for a long long time).
5) Mum Guilt. It’s real. You already have a child and you worry how much less time their elder sibling will get when #2 or #3+ comes along. Or you love work, and aren’t sure you can do the whole ‘nappy, feed, sleep, nappy, feed, coo, sleep, nappy, feed, puke, sensory play, nappy….) 👶 🍼 (no boob emoticon, sorry!).
6) Your relationship. Will your partner still find you attractive? Will you still enjoy or even want to have sex? How will your relationship be without all your nights out and weekends away? '(pre covid!!). 💃 🕺
7) Sleeplessness: perhaps you have pregnancy insomnia or worry about the lack of sleep when baby arrives. You’ll find your own way - every mum does. 😴 💤
8) Whose baby is it? Did you have a cross-over and don’t know who the father is? Maybe a productive one night stand? It happens. 🙊 😬
9) Your family has told you of their pregnancy nightmares and you’ve seen the craziness that TV makes of pregnancy and deep down you worry about baby brain. 📺
10) You might have other reasons why you aren’t enjoying pregnancy - and unless you are considering harming yourself or your baby (in which case please speak to a health professional for support) you are doing just fine.
ALL of these things are perfectly normal and just like any waves of nausea they will come and they will go. How you feel today does NOT mean you will feel the same tomorrow. If you are concerned about long term feelings of numbness or disconnect speak to your midwife.
NOT LOVING BEING PREGNANt does not make you a bad mum. It makes you an honest mum, and every baby needs one of those.
Trust me, I’ve supported pregnant women who freak out early then blossom or blossom and then freak out or blossom and blossom or, you get what I’m saying. It doesn’t mean a jot.
By the time your baby comes it makes no difference whether you were blossoming or freaking out; you’ll find your way.
Please, speak out about how you’re feeling. Confide quietly in your nearest and dearest or yell it from the treetops that you are not enjoying this whole pregnancy thing. You never know who needs to hear it. If you are in one of my facebook groups send me a private message and I can share an anonymous post for you if you prefer so that you can see you’re not alone.
And, if you’d love to switch your focus to feeling calm and confident about giving birth then here’s a little magic I created just for you.
