Things You Must NOT IGNORE when You Are Pregnant
You’re pregnant! Congratulations! There’ll be so much focus on the stuff you need to buy - a crib, a car seat, baby clothes, nappies, then there’s appointments with the midwife and umpteen conversations with family and friends about how you’re feeling.
And how are you really feeling? I was talking to a first time mum yesterday (let’s call her Kate) who told me that she rarely ever leaves the house.
KATE’s developed anxiety during lockdown
Kate is petrified about what birth is going to feel like.
She doesn’t want her partner to see her in such a vulnerable state. She’s criticising herself for feeling like that.
Kate is worried how she’ll cope during labour. Her friends describe their births as traumatic.
Kate is worried that her body is feeling achey, her back hurts and she’s not sleeping well. She can only see this getting worse.
Kate is worried how she and her husband will manage the ‘expense’ of a new baby. She doesn’t want an argument so she’s not discussing it.
Kate is feeling gross and unattractive because she’s been enthusiastically comfort eating for two (even though she knows she only needs an extra 200-300 calories a day from third trimester). She’s disgusted with herself for ‘lying around and sleeping’ instead of pushing through the early exhaustion. Kate is cringing at every pound she puts on.
Kate is lacking the confidence that was fuelled from spending time with family and friends. She is avoiding Facetime calls and phone calls even though she’s lonely.
The baby room hasn’t been sorted out yet. It’s full of boxes of junk and random stuff. It feels like a big undertaking. It’s being avoided.
Kate has little motivation to do anything - until we started chatting about how this was going to look in another few months when her baby is here.
Think about it. If Kate goes into labour petrified about birth what’s her experience going to be like? the more tension or fear a woman is holding in her body and mind the longer the labour is likely to be because the hormones like cortisol and adrenalin dominate which makes surges (contractions) less effective (so you need even more of them which can be exhausting). When we can tip the balance so that there is an increase in oxytocin and endorphins our body relaxes, we feel more at ease in our minds, and we STOP getting in the way of birth; a perfectly natural bodily function.
Until now Kate has had no tools or techniques to fall back on. She’s been hoping that her midwife will just tell her what to do but she’s also scared at the thought of being so out of control.
If Kate does nothing to address the financial concerns there’ll likely be arguments about money. Who’s paying for what and when? How will she feel when her maternity pay is reduced? Will she want to go back to work, what if she doesn’t want to? How will she feel to be reliant on her husband for income? How will he feel if he is the sole earner? Will it lead to resentment? Will he feel proud to be the breadwinner for his family?
If Kate continues to overeat she will struggle far more with her body image. This is not about saying she needs to lose weight, it’s about recognising how she feels. Her mind is already racing at what might happen if she keep piling on the pounds.
Being pregnant has the potential to be one of the happiest times in your life; even if there’s plenty of quease and heartburn and aches and pains they’ll pass. It’s not normal to feel euphoric or up ALL the time but your mental health is too important to ignore. If you were bleeding you’d phone your midwife or the hospital immediately. If you were suffering physical pain you’d do the same.
So, what happens when we stick our head in the sand? The problem gets worse.
And once your baby is here? Hopefully there will be lots of dreamy eye gazing and bonding but if you are chock-full with worry and stress what’s it going to be like for either of you?
KNOW that YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN when you ask for help. If you’ve never had a baby before (or even if you have) how are you supposed to know how to deal with all this stuff? They say it takes a village to raise a child and we need to build you up so that you can birth feeling calm, relaxed and confident, and we need to build your village.
Here are a few ways Kate (and you if any of this sounds familiar) can start to feel better quickly:
Make a list of headings of the things that are troubling you. Make the list broad so perhaps it is bulleted as health, income, relationship. Recognise that in this instance there are three issues and everything else falls into one of those categories. Start to list ways that you could ease the concern about each one. Read on for ideas.
Get outside and walk. It’s free, it feels good. Movement is medicine and it boosts your emotional and physical wellbeing. It puts you in a more resourceful state which means you can think more clearly. Plus, if your walks are anything like mine there will be multiple people happy to exchange a few words (at a 2m distance) and that brief interaction can put a smile on your face and lift your day.
Hypnobirthing: This is a way to maximise the mind-body connection and stack the odds in your favour of an amazing birth. You will become an expert in relaxation and know how to quickly take down the mind monkeys so they stop fuelling your fear. I teach hypnobirthing in the Prenatal Snug so that you can enjoy your pregnancy more and really look forward to the birth of your baby instead of freaking out.
Do the numbers. Sit down and plan with your husband. What savings do you have, what budget do you work from? Do you need to save for the next few months or find a way to earn more? IF you are moving house (about 90% of first time mums I know move house unless they moved as part of their pregnancy plan) have you costed in everything? Finances don’t have to be scary. Make it a useful chat - welcome how far you’ve come since you first left school or uni. Appreciate what you have and how well you can use it. If you’ve got junk you need to get rid of sell it now and bank the cash or decided exactly what it’s going to be used for and stick to it.
Check what you’re eating and top it up with good stuff. Yes you need extra calories by the third trimester but best not to make them all the empty sugary ones. Add more fruit, veg and fibre. Speak to your midwife for ideas. Know that when you eat better your mind will think more clearly and you will feel better and more motivated all round.
Aches and pains: Pregnancy is demanding on the body but you can work with it and benefit lots from prenatal yoga or a prenatal exercise class. I teach prenatal yoga online in The Prenatal Snug, check it out here. Prenatal yoga will help lift your mood, motivate you, stretch out muscles and ease swelling and puffiness. It helps you to feel calm and relaxed so you sleep better and worry a lot less. It also helps you prepare for birth so you feel more positive and know how to listen to your body. Check out this blog too.
Find your joy in this moment
No matter what’s going on see if you can find a glimmer of joy whether it’s sunshine peeking in through the blinds, a rainbow or a good book. Find your happy place and visit often.
Every problem has a solution, and by tackling these issues one by one you will start to rebuild your confidence, dramatically improve your sleep, feel better in your body and mind and prepare for labour feeling empowered rather than weak and frightened. The prenatal snug is only £20 a month, and it’s packed with people ready to be your cheerleaders and you theirs.
Remember that you are growing an entire human being in your belly! Cut yourself some slack.
You’re about to become a mum with a beautiful baby in your arms. When you have the right information, support and tools in your box YOU are powerful enough to tackle whatever comes your way. Believe it and take action wherever you can to feel good now. EVERYTHING starts with YOU and I’m here to help.
Big love 💕
Sophia xx
(I’m a prenatal yoga and hypnobirthing teacher, and a woman’s confidence coach. I’m on a mission to help you to feel calm and relaxed during pregnancy and labour so that you stack the odds in your favour for an amazing birth. You don’t need to do this alone. xx
