Pregnant? How to look after your emotional wellbeing
You’re locked in a tiny room staring at a wee blue line on a slightly damp stick.
That line is life changing.
You’re pregnant! Congratulations!
Maybe you’re cock-a-hoop about it, and maybe you’re a little bit eek, OMG, how on earth am I going to cope with this WHOLE new life to look after, and a radical new way of living.
Both are 100% normal responses, and that doesn’t mean you have to experience these random thoughts and feelings all on your own.
So, aside from your midwife appointments, your scans and any other growth scans or check-ups along the way what are you supposed to do to look after yourself during this MASSIVE transformation in your life? Any ideas? You’ve probably heard of antenatal classes but until now you’ll have paid little attention.
Based on my work with pregnant women and new mums here’s what would brilliantly support your emotional and physical wellbeing:
FROM 0-14 weeks
Speak to your midwife and begin to pay attention to what’s available to women in their first trimester. From my experience not much, which is one reason why I created the prenatal snug (more on that later). Start learning about the importance of relaxation during labour. It’s one thing to know it benefits you but it’s another to know HOW to do it.
Now is the time to start becoming an expert in relaxation. And, do you know anything about your pelvic floor? The importance of it being strong (and easy to relax) so that you don’t accidentally pee yourself? It’s good to start learning how to do pelvic floor exercises now (and even after your baby is here) before any additional baby weight.
Morning sickness? Who wants to go through that alone! You need people who understand that’s it’s like to be around you, plus they’re the ones with the wicked sense of humour and top tips to help you stop the quease (try sniffing a sprig of rosemary or peppermint essential oil for starters. Calm breathing can also help).
How do you feel about being pregnant? It’s a great time to tune into yourself more and really get to know who you are as a woman, before you get to know who you are as a mum.
Journal - Life can feel very surreal when you are first pregnant, particularly if you haven’t told many people. Start to write about your thoughts and feelings now; you’ll be amazed at what spills out onto the page.
ANXIETY
Don’t just hope anxiety is going to go away. If up until now you’ve just muddled on through life without tackling any frequent issues which keep you stuck now is the time to take action. You don’t want to be holed up at home with a baby in another 7 months terrified to leave the house. Mindfulness, yoga, meditation can all help you to cope better, and hypnobirthing will help reduce specific pregnancy worries.
14+ weeks
Begin prenatal yoga or a form of exercise specifically tailored to pregnant women. You don’t want to be the one person with a bump muddling along with tricky modifications, plus, you want to start finding your people and building friendships now.
Start to think about hypnobirthing; a way of taking full responsibility for all that you can during your pregnancy, labour and birth so that you feel calm and relaxed and massively increase your chances of a better birth. You’ll learn breathing techniques for pain management, a new way of thinking to drown out the worry thoughts and create a resilient and strong mind. The tools you learn with a good teacher will set you up for life, not just for labour. Mums who use hypnobirthing often have calmer, more relaxed and shorter labours. They feel empowered and confident to ask questions and choose the right birth for them and their babies on the day.
STRESS is not good for your baby but please don’t stress about being stressed. There are ways to deal with stress and building your emotional resilience is one way to turn down the stress hormones (which make you feel out of sorts and can impact on your baby).
PREGNANCY MASSAGE
Find a therapist who specialises in pregnancy massage; most will happily treat you from your second trimester onwards and it can really support you to relax and let go of unnecessary tension.
From 16+ weeks
Your baby’s ears and auditory system are developing so if you haven’t already begin to speak directly to them, hum to them, sing to them. Your baby will learn to recognise your voice from the other voices around you. Every time you talk to your baby you are soothing and offering them a sense of security. It all helps you to bond.
From 16-24 weeks
Expect to feel your baby moving and wouldn’t it be nice to acknowledge them and play a little? If your baby kicks or pokes in one particular place you can touch that place back and see if your baby continues the game. Each time your little bean is kicking or wriggling they are communicating with you (bonding) and strengthening their own limbs for birth.
As the weeks go on you may experience backache, sleeplessness, swelling in hands and feet, and heartburn, as well as the emotional ups and downs that come with the pregnancy hormones. You may find yourself feeling really down about being pregnant followed by feeling ok or ecstatic about it. You may start to worry about the birth of your baby:
How much will it hurt?
Will I cope with the pain?
Will my baby be ok?
Will I be a good parent?
How will our newborn affect our relationship?
How will we afford a baby; there’s so much to buy!
SOOTHING STROKES MASSAGE
I teach this in hypnobirthing (and in the prenatal snug) and I think it should be a daily practice full stop! This gentle, loving touch is calming, relaxing, floods your body with oxytocin and endorphins, helps you, your partner and your baby to bond (your partner massages you and if you’re feeling generous you him / her). It is a lovely way to spend time together and has a whole host of physical benefits.
PIVOT - OUT WITH THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS!
Find yourself on a downward thought spiral? If you are worried about something you can do something about then take action (call midwife, do some research, speak to whomever you need to speak to), but if you are just circling in your mind and worrying unnecessarily then PIVOT; swap those negative thoughts because they are setting you up to keep feeling bad and worried. We teach ways to feel and think better in the prenatal snug.
USE POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS
Whenever you feel yourself feeling a bit worried or anxious use and repeat positive affirmations. They will help. Repeat them in your mind, listen to them, draw them, write them, colour them in; whatever you do fill that negative cycle in your mind with something positive. What is a positive affirmation? A positive affirmation is a positive phrase written in the present tense. It helps to reprogram your subconscious mind (which drives 90% of your actions). For example ‘I am calm and relaxed’, ‘My baby and I are a team, ‘With each out breath I relax more and more’
From 28+ weeks
Sleep on your LEFT HAND SIDE (see this article). It stops accidental pressure being applied to one of your major veins and ensures that your baby has all of the oxygen and blood supply he or she requires. Don’t worry if you wake up on your back, just turn back to your left hand side, and always try to fall asleep on your left as the first position you sleep in tends to be the one you stay in the longest.
From 34+ weeks
You may want to do some regular perineal massage (taught in hypnobirthing) to help your muscle to stretch and reduce the chances of tearing or an episiotomy.
Do you have a birth plan? The magic of a birth plan isn’t if it all comes true (and they frequently do), it’s in the education and emotional preparation that comes with it.
Have you packed your birth bag? Even if you are planning a homebirth I recommend having a birth bag with everything you would like to help you feel calm on the day plus the necessities.
RELAXIN
In your third trimester you will be producing more of the hormone relaxin which can help you feel like a superpowered stretchy bendy person. Be mindful of your movement so you don’t overstretch.
Whilst I’m all for feeling your feelings and accepting how life is wouldn’t it be nice to be able to:
Enjoy your pregnancy?
Sleep better (which helps the night worry and exhaustion go away)?
Ease off the aches and pains so you can move more freely and create more space for your growing baby?
To be able to breathe properly (a growing baby squishes the space the lungs usually benefit from)?
Feel confident about giving birth knowing you’re as prepared as you can be?
Based on years of working with pregnant women I’ve created an online sanctuary just for you: the Prenatal Snug. I’ve brought all of my yoga knowledge, hypnobirthing experience, and work as a women’s confidence coach into one place so that you have a safe space for you to come to get to grips with all things pregnancy, labour and birth - to grow, to chat, to relax, to find reassurance and to enjoy your pregnancy. You don’t have to do this on your own.
I know that pregnancy is a busy time; so many couples move house, relocate, redecorate, have a big clear out and often have a big rush to see lots of friends and family before they retreat into their own little home sanctuary to nurse and bond with their newborn. The prenatal snug offers a combination of LIVE and pre-recorded classes so that you can be active when you choose and watch on demand.
I’m a big believer in preparation, in community, in sharing space and knowledge and wisdom. The prenatal snug is a cool £20 per month and jam-packed with what you need to feel amazing during pregnancy and have a better birth.
Check it out. Oh, and I’ve specifically made it so that there is something for you even if you are in your first trimester. You will benefit immediately from learning how to breathe better, from learning how to relax and stay calm no matter what. Plus, your new friends are waiting for you. Come on in.
